PSL for arkfall

[goldenglasses]

[Vash was getting use to his life in the city. Some of it has been pretty bad, but for the most part he really can't complain. He always had enough to eat. He had stopped pouring sand out of his clothing. Could have all the water and shower for however long he wanted. No one had tried to shoot him in months. The people here even didn't care about his scars. In fact some people really liked them!

He was currently without a dominate, but he didn't mind. A small grace period to find another one and he wasn't in a rush. Which is why he was taking a moment to enjoy a bit of people watching in the Down. Munching on a donut and enjoying the day.

The only problem was in times like these his mind tends to wander to thoughts of home. Worry starts to settle in. Hoping that his friends were alright without him. Things certainly looking good when he left. Of course, there wasn't much he could do for them here so he tries not to think too much about it.

Besides, this donut was really tasty. Right now he just wanted to sit and enjoy them. Nothing bad could happen on this day, right?]

Comments

[goldenglasses]

Okay. That too. [Vash takes another bite. Somehow with just those three bites and with Knives's help the sandwich was already half gone.] You want some more?

[arkfall]

No, but thank you. [Then he pauses a moment, because he has to notice how much easier it's becoming to say those words.]

[goldenglasses]

[It does make Vash smile a little to hear Knives say something like that.]

And, I get to keep my job. [He wants to keep it. He's grown close with the owner of the restaurant he works at and his fellow workers. It was nice having an income, but he also knows that his boss will let him go if his dominant won't allow him to work anymore. Not because he wants to get rid of Vash, but because he won't break the rules of the city by letting him still work behind his dominant's back.] That should go in too. [He tries to word it like it was no big deal. As if he can't think of a reason why would Knives have any problem at all with the idea of Vash working.]

[arkfall]

[Knives doesn't seem entirely opposed to the idea outright, but he is curious.]

What do you do?

[goldenglasses]

Oh. I work at a restaurant. [He avoids being more specific for as long as he can.]

[arkfall]

Around food. [That part seems to make sense, at least.]

Of course.

[goldenglasses]

Haha! Yeah! My first dominant here helped me to get it! It's way better than some jobs around here! And my coworkers are really nice too. They could have let me go when my dominant left me, but they still let me stay. So thanks for letting me keep it!

[Is that was Knives is saying? Vash is hoping his excited talking means Knives will just blindly agree to it.]

[arkfall]

They left you? [Knives's eyes narrow at the thought. His brother had a dominant before and was abandoned. His fists ball up as he thinks about hurting this person without even knowing anything about them.]

Who are they?

[goldenglasses]

It doesn't matter. They're not in the city anymore. [He now realizes he should have worded that better.] They got sent home somehow. [Or at least that's what Vash hopes has happened.]

[arkfall]

We can be sent home?

[goldenglasses]

That's what people think happens when we suddenly vanish from this world. I don't know for sure if that's where we go or not. [With anyone else he might have spoken with certainty. Of course they go home! To their happy lives! He would always put a happy spin on things wherever he could.

For some reason he feels he can be a bit more honest with his brother.] Hard to say for sure. I haven't met anyone who has left and then come back again as of yet.

[arkfall]

And if you and I return you end up in a prison I put you in and I end up dead.

Well, that's just fucking great, isn't it? I'm not sure I should be alive right now, but that ends up sounding miserable no matter how you think about it.

[goldenglasses]

Well, when you put it like that. [Vash says with a soft sigh. Slowly he chews the bite in his mouth. Thoughts once again going back to what made his stomach churn the first time. Surely a last run is something that only happens to their sisters when they were forced to expend all of their power. That wasn't something that would be likely to happen to them.] Knives. You didn't-- [Nope. He can't finish that question. His optimism starting to come through once more.] Well, maybe we can find a different time to go back home to. Do things differently.

[arkfall]

If we go back to a different time I won't be like this.

I'll still be on the path I dedicated myself to, and nothing will stop me from pursuing it.

[He groans and rubs his forehead.] I don't even know what any of that means to me anymore.

I don't know what I'm doing, Vash. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

[goldenglasses]

[Vash listens carefully to his brother.] Maybe we can go back with the memories we have now. If we do then we can change things. [He reaches forward to gently touch his brother's forearm. Wanting to offer him some sort of comfort and grounding, but still weary. Still remember how quickly his brother could change from hot to cold in some very violent ways.] Our futures aren't written. Our futures are always blank, brother.

[He says her words before he can even think about how they might effect his brother. HIs mantra that that keeps him going at all times.]

[arkfall]

[That touch seems to have a near instant effect on Knives. Some of the tension he's been carrying melts and he turns a bit into it. A part of him always craved being close to Vash again, always wanted it, but things had gotten to be so broken between them.

And he knows he's the one who did that. He is the one that ripped their relationship apart in order to stick to the goals he had set out. His desire to wipe out humanity had overwritten everything else in his life.]

At least that's true for you, Vash.

I think that's good enough for me. If you have a future, nothing else matters.

[goldenglasses]

No. It doesn't have to be just for me. [His touch moves into a firmer grab now.] It can be for you to Knives. You didn't know you'd end up here! This doesn't have to be the end! You're alive here! That's all that matters at all! That you're alive!

[arkfall]

How can you say that to me? After everything?

Why do you keep trying to save me?

[goldenglasses]

Because you are my brother. Nothing in any world will change that. [Vash would never be able to forget what has happened between them, but that is a fact that would always remain.] And... I know that's what she would want me to do too.

[arkfall]

[Knives tenses again, all of the progress he's made in relaxing and opening up instantly shut down.]

Don't. [The word is more of a warning than anything.]

[goldenglasses]

[Vash sighs. Honestly believing knowing and understanding how much Rem loved him could help Knives, but deciding not to push it right now.

His hand still drops away. Disappearing into his pocket.] Besides, we're going to do better in this city if we can find a way to get along without driving each other insane. [Or at least it would be for Vash. The way this city is set up, Knives could actually get just about anything he wanted. Not that Vash really wants his brother to think that way.]

[arkfall]

[Even just mentioning her, though, brings out a deep sense of betrayal and hate in Knives. It seethes inside of him and he has to choke it down to not ruin everything. The fact that his response already drove Vash back makes him swallow his emotions hard as he tries to not completely ruin whatever it is they're building here.]

What... [He starts, but he has to stop and take a breath and rub his forehead again because there's still an edge to his voice that sounds harsh and cold.

He doesn't want that right now. He doesn't want to ride on the heightened sense of hatred even a reference of Rem brought up in him.

He forces himself to calm down, taking control of that heat. He can be logical, rational, he doesn't need to rely on that anger.]

What can I do to make sure I don't drive you crazy? What do you need from me?

[There. Now his voice is more open, more sincere. This isn't just a question to mock Vash, he honestly wants to know what his brother wants from him. He lowers his hand and considers Vash carefully.]

[goldenglasses]

[It's a good thing that Knives stops to adjust his voice. Vash tensing slightly as if getting ready to defend himself when he hears that cold edge to his brother's voice. Is this where things will suddenly change? Is this where his brother starts to take a more forceful approach?

Only, no. That doesn't happen. Instead it's clear Knives is trying to get a handle on his anger and make a change. It allows Vash to relax a bit more again.] I need exactly this. What you're doing right now. I need you to keep willing to be patient and to keep trying to see things differently. To ask me how I feel and not just brush off what I say as being wrong. [That's a two way street, however, that Vash himself will struggle with. Thinking that Knives is wrong and not being able to see things differently.]

And, you know.... knowing my friends aren't about to be brutally murdered for being human would go a long way too.

[arkfall]

[Knvies is grateful that his efforts are being noticed. It means they aren't all in vain.]

Vash... [He starts, and for a moment he seems to be considering his words.]

You know that we have the ability to show others our memories. I want to show you what happened, how our struggle ended. I think it might help you understand why I'm not trying to hurt you.

I'm not sure how much power I have left or if I can manage it on my own. You, though, you're stronger than I am. You always have been. The only reason that you haven't done half of the things I have is that you never learned how to use your abilities to their fullest.

I think I could teach you how to go into my memories and find those moments, but I'm not going to force you to learn how to use your powers anymore. Doing that... it always ended with you hating me even more.

Do you think you'd be willing to learn? I would understand if you're still wary and need time to consider it, but I promise you there is nothing I can to you. Even if I tried anything, your mind would easily overpower mine.

[And it's not like he has Bluesummers here to pull them apart.]

What I want most of all is what I've always wanted, for you to understand where I'm coming from. It's just... now it's less a drive to get you to understand why humans should die and more to help you be reassured that I'm no longer plotting to kill them.

[goldenglasses]

[Once more Vash hesitates. Wondering if this might be some sort of trick to get into Vash's own head and memories. Some petty, bitter part of Vash wants to point how how being forced to destroy a city tends to make someone hate another, but they're trying to move past that so he bites his tongue.

Instead he focuses on the other reason he hesitates.] What if doing that turns your hair blacker? I don't need to see those memories if that's the risk.